i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
it's like iHOP with fire
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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