i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
