Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
