Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
