I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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