I'm going to jail i love you
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
