i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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