I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
