hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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