Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
