she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize