so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
ugly people sure do ruin things
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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