I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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