My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Found the puke drawer
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
