Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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