you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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