He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
