conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
