They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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