Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
