I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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