If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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