While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
