there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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