I'm going to jail i love you
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
