to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you never un-have a 4some
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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