nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
