yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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