hotel room ftw
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
