I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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