It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
