So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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