I think my fart just growled at me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
