I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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