Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
