I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
