I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
