Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
