i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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