I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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