She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
