Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
