My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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