Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
