Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
