one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
