At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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