I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
