ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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