And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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