You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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