Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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