i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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