Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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