You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she smelled like a LAN party
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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