Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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