Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
