you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
