I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
