Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
