He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
