Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
