I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize