At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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