Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
