Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
false alarm. still invincible.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize