I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
