Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
