Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
