I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
