i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
