On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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