just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
