Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
