So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize